Friday, April 27, 2012

Making Friends Midlife

Notice how the kids are making friends, but their parents don't even notice each other. Welcome to the problems of making friends at 35.

I used to be a pro at making friends. The GB has moved a bunch in her life. I mean an inordinate number of times. I could make friends and quick. Part of moving is learning to adapt quickly to your new environment and be open to new ideas and people. But it's been a long time since I made a serious move. Honestly, we have lived for 7 years in basically the same place. That's a GB record. As a result, my friend making skills are rusty.

What's the problem? 1. The GB moved all her life so her good friends/family are all over the country and no where near my family. 2. The GB's close friends near her don't have kids. 3. The GB has turned into a homebody. Sun & Moon was always kind of a homebody, but now we all are cause well you can't really take a newborn lots of place and now that Cletus is old enough to go places we don't know anyone. 4. How do I, a short butchy lesbian, make friends with stay at home moms who sometimes look at me like: A. what are you doing here? B. do you have any idea what you are doing? C. did you steal those kids? I don't have much in common on face with these people. Striking up a conversation feels awkward and like I am trying hit on someone in a bar (also a skill not used in like 16 years). I can't make friends 20 minutes at a time once a week. The GB is like a fungus - she takes time to grow on you.

I guess I could just not care, but giving up my job is like giving up the last part of my social life not found on facebook (which although useful for long distance friendship is not a decent substitute for a social life). The GB is social and needs people in her life, at least some. We don't have to be besties or anything, but I need someone who I can complain about my kids too without them looking at me like I shouldn't be allowed the gift of children. I need some real people with a sense of humor, who like BBQ, who make mistakes raising their kids, & can laugh at politics or talk reality TV (it's all Sun & Moon let's me watch).

OK. So a new thread of this blog will be about the GB trying to make friends which is so far an epic fail. I have been trying to meet this one mom for like a month. She has tattoo sleeves so I am hoping that makes her cool. Cletus keeps foiling any attempt I have to get to know her. We now know each others names. But I have botched this friendship by bringing my sick kid to reading group. I thought he was feeling better, but once there it looked like a dragged my desperately sick child out of the house. I am pretty sure sleeves now believes me incompetent or uncaring. Also, I am afraid she is too nice and does not make terrible mistakes raising her children. I just can't jump that high of a bar. I need a low bar somewhere higher than "Hey I am obviously ruining my kid" & lower than "Hey I am Martha Stewart with real not fake warmth". If you know that friend and they live in the OC, then give the GB a heads up.