Housework is My Boulder

I might not be anyone's maid, but I have to be at home all day. The result is the desire to be in a cleaner dwelling. Sun & Moon has always had a desire to clean things; Me - not so much. I mean why bother? It will just get messy again. The problem is with 2 kids at home it gets sooooo messy that no one would want to live here. And thus my list of daily chores...

Those of you unfamiliar with Greek Mythology (basically you aren't an uber nerd) might not know the story of Sisyphus. Sisyphus (Sissy - fuss) was a king punished by the Greek Gods for being a huge a-hole. His punishment was to roll a huge boulder up a steep hill, but right before it would reach the top the huge boulder would roll back down. And then Sisyphus would have to start all over again. Camus would later write a book about the Myth of Sisyphus and humans futile search for the meaning of life. Sisyphean tasks are basically endless, unavailing (arguably futile) labor.

Welcome to my everyday. I do 3 loads of laundry. The first one is always diapers. We are a cloth diaper house. Cletus uses 6-8 diapers a day and 1 night diaper. DC is using 8-10 diapers a day. If I don't wash diapers everyday we will run out half way through the next day. Also, there will be a huge pile of diapers. Then I do 2 loads of clothes or towels. I do them to prevent a mountain from appearing, but there again in the morning is another hill of laundry. I wash the dishes. If I don't wash bottles DC won't have enough, so leaving them until the next day is simply not an option. Not matter how many dishes you wash, after dinner there's always more. And then there's general upkeep. Cletus throws his toys everywhere. On a positive note, he is learning to do chores and the 1st is picking up his own toys. There's floors to mop and vacuum. There's tubs & toilets to scrub (I really need to get to this soon). Home makers everywhere are now saying no shit and nodding there heads. This might be old news to you, but as the lazy husband like person around the house this list of tasks is blowing my mind.

It's Sisyphean I tell you. No matter how hard I push the boulder in the morning its at the bottom of the hill. Maddening.

Losing Myself

Today I am in a funk and probably just need to pour it out a little. There doesn't seem anywhere to pour it lately. Sun & Moon and I are arguing, bickering is probably more accurate, semi-constantly. The kids are well in need of constant attention. Cletus, toddler, is a movement machine. He is also in the tantrum stage where everything causes a fit. DC, new baby, is a new baby which means crying (colic) & pooping & barfing on me all day.

I think I had some crazy Sound of Music image of this summer where we went out and basked in the sun and froliced in fields. Needless to say, not happening. Instead it's more like, ok what should we do today? IDK. Various suggestions. One is selected. We do this for an hour and then come home. Sun & Moon and I basically see each other 24 hours a day and I think she wants to kill me in my sleep, or maybe while I am awake.

No progress made on the friend front. Meetup has yet to be any help. I shall blog on this another day.

I have no job. Insert existential crisis here. I have no idea what I am doing. I am not sure who I am or what I am supposed to be. Sun & Moon looks at me like I am impatient with the kids all day. Every time she does I think - Oh God, I'm the one staying home with them. Then I want to cry a little. I am pretty sure she does not whole heartedly believe this is a good idea anymore.

I HAVE NO JOB! I look at job ads occasionally. They are always the same sort of ad. It's the job I just quit and don't want. Maybe I should look for different ads and find the job I do want. Hmm, that might be the best idea to come out of this stream of consciousness.

The only thing consistent with my  personhood from 1 year ago is that I still enjoy Willow & Tara fanfiction (Buffy). I am pretty sure this goes in the losing, not winning column of life.