Saturday, June 16, 2012

Losing Myself

Today I am in a funk and probably just need to pour it out a little. There doesn't seem anywhere to pour it lately. Sun & Moon and I are arguing, bickering is probably more accurate, semi-constantly. The kids are well in need of constant attention. Cletus, toddler, is a movement machine. He is also in the tantrum stage where everything causes a fit. DC, new baby, is a new baby which means crying (colic) & pooping & barfing on me all day.

I think I had some crazy Sound of Music image of this summer where we went out and basked in the sun and froliced in fields. Needless to say, not happening. Instead it's more like, ok what should we do today? IDK. Various suggestions. One is selected. We do this for an hour and then come home. Sun & Moon and I basically see each other 24 hours a day and I think she wants to kill me in my sleep, or maybe while I am awake.

No progress made on the friend front. Meetup has yet to be any help. I shall blog on this another day.

I have no job. Insert existential crisis here. I have no idea what I am doing. I am not sure who I am or what I am supposed to be. Sun & Moon looks at me like I am impatient with the kids all day. Every time she does I think - Oh God, I'm the one staying home with them. Then I want to cry a little. I am pretty sure she does not whole heartedly believe this is a good idea anymore.

I HAVE NO JOB! I look at job ads occasionally. They are always the same sort of ad. It's the job I just quit and don't want. Maybe I should look for different ads and find the job I do want. Hmm, that might be the best idea to come out of this stream of consciousness.

The only thing consistent with my  personhood from 1 year ago is that I still enjoy Willow & Tara fanfiction (Buffy). I am pretty sure this goes in the losing, not winning column of life.

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