Swimming & Trust

Today was Cletus' 1st day of swim lessons in his Parent and Toddler swim class at the local college. He was a hilarious mix of emotions. First, he was so excited to get in that the wait caused a total tantrum. (Note to self: DO NOT ATTEND EARLY.) Second, when we got in we were next to a little guy filled with fear who started crying instantly. The crying made Cletus concerned that something was scarey and he started to cry. After seeing some of the other big boys in the class having fun, Cletus then decided this was tons of fun. By the end of class, he was free of most of his fears and got dunked under water twice without a single tear. Unfortunately when it was time to go we had another tantrum cause he wanted to take the pool toys home with us. The whole family, even Mommy and Sister who were just watching, came home exhausted and took a 2 hour nap.

I loved it. As I thought back on it, the poor little guy crying was all fear until his aunt handed him over to his mom and then he had a good time for the rest of the lesson. He was scared because he loved his aunt, but didn't trust her like his mommy. He couldn't tackle his fears without someone he trusted totally. That thought made me hug my little Cletus. I might not have birthed him or contributed to his DNA, but my little Cletus trusts me totally. When we got in that pool, he looked at me to know he was safe. And he was. Completely.

Every day I spend with my kids, I realize the key to love is time, not DNA. I spend time with them. I teach them. I change their butts and make their meals. I put them to bed and am there when they wake up. Biodaddy a great man and I love biodaddy deeply. This father's day made me think about as the kids get older where we all fit. Biodaddy is their father, but I don't ever need to be jealous of him because I'm their parent. I won't pretend I don't have an occassional jealous thought over their bond with him, but it doesn't over take me because I know Cletus gets into the pool with me.